Blaster Master (is Awesome)

I remember being a child when renting video games was still a thing that people did. Those days were so awesome! It was really exciting looking at a whole shelf full of games and getting to pick just one. It was quite possible that whatever I picked would make or break my entire weekend. Now, I don’t remember exactly when I first played the it but I can still vividly remember the entire game. I imagine myself running inside, jamming the cartridge into my NES, hitting power and just sitting in awe at the absurd awesomeness that followed:

You can't see it here but the letters flash like crazy.

I am so pumped!

Blaster Master is a game for people who love games that are fun. It is one of those games that, as soon as it starts, you know you’re in for a treat. The name itself “Blaster Master” speaks volumes. What are you going to do? Blast! What it your blasting skill level? Mastery! Why are you going to do it? Nobody cares why,  especially the developer Sunsoft! When Sunsoft brought the game to the US, even they knew that people don’t care and just want to shoot things with a sweet looking tank. Take a look at this amazing, hyper-realistic cinematic masterpiece of an introduction (starts with him poking the bowl):

There's just more to love, now.

Admit it. You would do the same if you had the chance.

This is absolutely the greatest possible opening for this game. I will accept no arguments.

In case you don’t understand the GIF, let me explain: Jason’s frog escapes from his bowl, leaps to a nearby radioactive waste container out in front of the garage, instantaneously begins to mutate to enormous sizes (by frog standards), leaps down an enormous-frog-sized hole, and is pursued down the hole by his loving owner, Jason. Jason then discovers a suit of armor and tank and decides it is the key to recovering his beloved frog.

Grey? Gray? Whatever... just shoot it!

Shootin’ some grey things and grabbin’ some P’s.

Blaster Master is awesome. Some people will claim otherwise (take note of these people for they should be ignored in the future) and they are objectively incorrect. Yes, it is a little rough around the edges but what NES game wasn’t? The general gameplay consists of Jason driving a tank around side-scroller style searching for things to shoot until you find Jason-sized doorways . You then explore these areas sans-tank in a top-down overhead fashion looking for more things to shoot until you can find something really big to shoot. Destroying the really big thing grants you a tank upgrade that allows you to explore more of the world to find bigger and better things to shoot.

The creatures you end up shooting look very bizarre. Take a look at the grey thing in the picture, for instance. What is it?! I’ve examined the sprite but cannot figure it out at all. It’s a grey bipedal person-oid that hopped around like a madman. Why do these things even hate Jason and the tank? Maybe they just have some sort of inherent hatred for “masters” who “blast” things? Regardless of why, these guys sure are fun to blast!

I just like to call him the "brain" thing.

Apparently, his name is Cramitor…

Besides the sheer satisfaction of shooting things, Blaster Master offers quite a big adventure. The game is Metroid-esque in the way that, although the game is split into distinct areas, you are free to go back and forth as you please between locations. In fact, the overall design requires that you revisit old areas. One of my favorite aspects of Blaster Master is how fun it feels to explore the game. Instead of just painting each area with different graphics and calling it new, the developers made each area feel unique as each area has a distinct look, music, and level construction. Because of the fun and interesting upgrades backtracking never feels dull as it gives me new chances to try out the tanks new abilities.

The tank decided to take dip too...

A leisurely swim after a rough day of killing things.

The upgrades give your tank abilities you never even knew you wanted. How about one that lets you fly? Death from above! How about literally driving up the walls? Do it! Walls not enough? How about driving on the ceiling? The sky is the limit! It’s almost as if the people at Sunsoft thought to themselves “What is more fun than a jumping tank of wanton destruction?” in which  one man, probably sitting in the corner of the room drinking a juice box, said, “How about instead of just jumping it can go, like, where ever?” I assume this was immediately followed by a round of high-fives.

Let’s face it: this game is frickin’ awesome. It’s not perfect but it’s just so great to play. Who cares about the little problems when there is so much fun to be had. If you haven’t played Blaster Master yet, I preemptively accept your apology. Now go out and play it somehow. You owe it to yourself.

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1 Comment

  1. Wait a minute. Did Hulk (2003) rip off the radioactive frog thing with disastrous results? Not in terms of being a horrible abomination of a movie but in terms of the frog exploding.

    Reply

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