The Adventures of Rad Gravity (isn’t so Rad)

The problem with dumpster diving is that you need to sift through trash to find the useful things. The Adventures of Rad Gravity is the closest thing to dumpster diving that the NES library contains.  You know that there’s something good in there but aren’t sure if it’s worth digging. There is a reason why some people don’t go dumpster diving and it’s the same reason why nobody ever talks about The Adventures of Rad Gravity: regardless of what you find, it still stinks.

Adventures of Rad Gravity, The (U)_title

Who can resist a game with the word “rad” in the title? You can!

This Could be Rad!

The Adventures of Rad Gravity is a planetary exploration 2D platformer featuring a character you’ve never heard of. Rad Gravity is a large-headed, big-chinned space-man who is on a mission to do something you probably do not and will not ever care about.  The game starts off very simple with a traditional side-scrolling level. The first level is not very difficult and is actually pretty fun. The game has all the standard 2D platforming fare such as jumping, shooting, killing things but as you progress it introduces a lot of adventure and exploration elements.

Adventures of Rad Gravity, The (U)_gameplay

Level One! Rad’s adventure begins!

Each level in Rad Gravity consists of a different planet. It’s pretty nice as each planet looks different and has different enemies in it. There is also a small level of non-linearity as certain planets can be explored in the order of your choice. Exploring the planets can be fun once you realize that there are plenty of new items and upgrades to discover. Taking a page from the classic NES title Metroid, there are maximum health expansions, armor upgrades, weapon upgrades and multiple different weapons to find.  There is a lot to do and an equally large amount of ambitious gameplay elements. In addition to exploration, there are many interesting novelty elements that spice up the game. One level has a series of doors that need to be unlocked by finding a key and tossing it onto it. Another level is played almost entirely while upside-down! These experiences are frequent, varied and make the game feel less repetitive.

Not only are there several planets to travel to but there are several required story events that pop up. Once one occurs, you are required to complete it before returning to your planet exploration. One involves your computer being stolen requiring you to chase down some thugs to get it back. Another has your ship breaking down requiring that you acquire replacement parts from a nearby derelict ship. These events bring an odd cohesiveness to a rather scattered looking game. In particular, these special levels make you feel as if you are making progress through the game rather than randomly exploring planets.

Have you ever wanted to explode a triceratops? Look no further!

Have you ever wanted to explode a triceratops? Look no further!

The Adventures of Rad Gravity is an ambitious game that has a lot going for it.  You can tell that someone worked really hard on the overall design of the game. It is impressive how many different areas, enemies, items, events and creatures you encounter on this little 8-bit adventure. Every couple years I find myself drawn back to its radical allure in hopes of reliving the planetary exploration goodness. And then at about 45 minutes into the game I begin to remember why The Adventures of Rad Gravity never received a sequel.

Not so Rad…

The Adventures of Rad Gravity is a brilliant game about dying over and over again until you shed a single tear, dripping it over the NES controller you’ve already destroyed in anger. This game will upset you. It was frustrate you. It will test your self-control. The Adventures of Rad Gravity is a game that is so frustrating that many will never experience all the “rad” stuff it has to offer. Let’s sift though the refuse:

There is One Song

Yes. Other than the title screen, credits and boss music there is only one song and it plays constantly. Plan on hearing this same song several hundred times. Although it’s not a particularly bad song, it’s seriously the only song in the game for all planets except for the final one (which plays the boss music). Keep in mind that this is not a short game. It will take several hours to beat if you’re willing to stick with it. With all the varied environments and enemies, you’d thing they could at least compose a few songs? Nope. Just listen to this theme over and over and over and over and over…

Movement Acceleration is Terrible

Rad Gravity has a problem with movement. There is acceleration when beginning to move and deceleration when stopping. While this doesn’t seem bad, it makes it extremely difficult to make precise jumps. You have to get a brief running start in order to jump long gaps which is totally fine except for the fact that sometimes you are only given a one block distance to gain this momentum. It makes doing full-speed jumps somewhat annoying. While acceleration is just an annoyance, the deceleration takes the first major step toward ruining the game. When coming to a stop, Rad Gravity slows down before stopping. As you can imagine, this makes jumping onto small blocks incredibly frustrating. You are constantly having to counteract your momentum by press the opposite direction. If you don’t there is a good chance that when you land, you’ll run right off the edge of a block. But you can’t over compensate or else you’ll not jump far enough and might miss the block entirely! Ugh…

Instant Death Pits
DIEEE

Get those tears ready. You’ll be crying in no time!

This is absolutely the worst offender of the game. In a stellar example of poor game design, many levels are filled with pits that kill you instantly, regardless of your health. One wrong move will send you back to the beginning and into a rage. There are several levels that have certain portions designed around tricking you into falling into an instant death pit. This is absurd! Why design a game based on tricking the player into dying? It’s not fun and severely detracts from the game. In particular, the planet Volcania is a lava planet. Everything on this level is designed to knock you into the lava, killing you instantly. This level is terrible. This level is amazingly terrible. Playing this level is the precise moment I decided that The Adventures of Rad Gravity could not be redeemed. It is forever, irrefutably, and officially a bad game.

Confusing Progression

The game occasionally throws you into a situation where you have no idea what to do. While I know how to beat the game, I pity any body who goes into this game blind. In one particular case, there is a part where you must jump up through and off the top of the screen in order to progress. There is nothing telling you that you can do this and if it weren’t for my years of gaming experience, I probably would have never tried that. A few boss fights play more like puzzles than actual fights. During my childhood, I actually thought the first boss had a “random” amount of health as one time it died almost instantly while the next time I spent 15 minutes shooting it with no success. It caused me to give up several times because as it turns out, they are invincible. You can not hurt them with your weapons. I spent far too long shooting them thinking that they just had an absurdly large amount of health. It feels like many situations in this game have a “trick” to it that is not explained. You will get stuck. You will not like it.

Lack of Useful Checkpoints

The Adventures of Rad Gravity is a hard game. I like hard games so that’s usually not a problem for me. What I do have a problem with is that when you die, you must start the level all over again. The game is unforgiving in its difficulty and sometimes feels cheap. You can work very hard and on your 15th try, finally make it to the end only to be killed by some dumb, random thing. Seeing you start at the beginning of the level really sucks the urge to continue playing out of you. Only very small number of levels have checkpoints, notably the first and last level of the game. What happened to the middle levels? Those are hard too! You’re probably thinking, “If you just get better at the game you won’t need checkpoints!” That would be true except for the horrible and frequent instant deaths that I’ve already explained.

Progress Resets

Briefly mentioned above, there is a section of the game where you  are forced to enter a derelict space ship to find a replacement part. This level has the horrible habit of completely resetting your progress when you leave ship area. Since the ship is a bit of a puzzle which involves you having to find and place these fuse-like objects into certain sockets, it can be very confusing to figure out, especially initially. What is even more horrible is that upon exiting the main ship area, your fuse-socket progress is completely reset. I am almost positive this was not intentional as it doesn’t make any sense. It is just unfortunate and frustrating when there is a part where you can “fall” out of the ship and have to re-enter, erasing any progress you’ve made in the last 20 minutes.

The Broken Translocator was Intentional
The translocator is slightly more than broken

The translocator is slightly more than broken. Shown here: passing through walls, the Volcania secret, and falling into glitch-land.

At one point, Rad Gravity acquires a totally radical teleporter item which I like to call the translocator (after Unreal Tournament’s item of the same name). This item allows you throw out a small beacon and then teleport back to it at any time. This item completely destroys any semblance of collision detection that the game ever intended. Using this item and using a small series of obvious movements, you can break the game, skipping whole areas, passing through walls, and in one case that I found, crashing the game entirely. In a shocking twist, it turns out the developers actually knew the translocator was broken. In the level Volcania, there is a secret area that can only be accessed by passing through a wall with the translocator. I do not comprehend why a developer would allow their game to have a portion of it based on a potentially fatal programming flaw. Someone please explain this to me because I do not understand.

How to Make Rad Gravity Rad

The Adventures of Rad Gravity has got a lot of cool things going on and has a lot of great ideas are on display but in order to experience those things you’re going to have to look through layers and layers of garbage. It seems for every one great thing to experience there is at least three pieces of garbage. The good news, however, is that much of this garbage could be cleaned up with a surprisingly few number of tweaks.

Remove or Modify Instant Death Pits

Instead of dying, these pits could hurt you instead of outright killing you. Some games implement a design where falling into a pit hurts you and places you back onto the last solid ground before you fell in. This method could keep the challenge of jumps and oncoming enemies but still allow you to be penalized without having to start the entire level over again. With this, you wouldn’t even to change the level design (of which I actually think is interesting and fairly decent).

Tighten Up the Movement

Rad Gravity feels very slippery. Just be glad there is no ice planet or else Rad would completely out of control! The amount and acceleration and deceleration should be greatly lowered. If you could reach top speed or stop from a full run in about 1/4 the time, Rad would be much more manageable. I’m not a physics expert but I’m sure it wouldn’t take much more than some trial and error to find decent settings.

Fix Translocator and other Minor Bugs
asda

This should not be able to happen. Thanks, translocator!

I am not sure how The Adventures of Rad Gravity checks for collision but it sure doesn’t do it correctly. Without getting too technical, many of the translocator bugs could be fixed by making two programming fixes. One would be resetting Rad Gravity’s velocity to zero before he is teleported to the beacon. The other would be to remove and reset the beacon or eject the beacon if it becomes too far embedded into the wall. In addition, the progress reset bug would just be a matter of not resetting a few memory locations when exiting the derelict ship. These are relatively simple concepts that could be implemented by a moderately skilled programmer without too much difficulty.

Compose More Music

This one is obvious. Ideally, give each planet its own theme. It would considerably help the overall presentation of the game. Enough said.

It Should be Rad!

I really, really want to love this game. There are so many little things going on that I adore. Considering how much quality game there is beneath all the trash, I feel as if it’s an experience worth having but just not in its current state. Though it will never happen, The Adventures of Rad Gravity is in need of a remake. If you take the exact game, same levels, same overall graphical design and just improve upon the areas which I mentioned, you might just have one stellar game on your hands.

Ultimately, I admit that I like The Adventures of Rad Gravity. I do, in fact, think it’s a rad game. It’s just too bad I have to be waist deep in garbage to play it.

Adventures of Rad Gravity, The (U)_endingv3

I congratulate you on reaching the end! Until next time…

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Abadox (is Pretty Good)

Scrolling shooters are not rare or special. Pick any console you want and you’ll find dozens if not hundreds. They come in horizontal scrolling, vertical scrolling, possibly even diagonal scrolling. And don’t forget some games have scrolling to the right and others have scrolling to the left or scrolling up or down. What can be said about shooters, then? Well, in short, every direction has been scrolled into and lot’s of things have been shot. So now you’re probably wondering, “What can be said about Abadox?” Well, as it turns out, a lot.

Abadox (U)_title

This intro is super subtle yet does a great job to set the mood: you against the planet.

The first thing you’ll notice when you power up that NES will surely be the amazingly hardcore title. I’m no expert on rating goo and goo-like substances but the Abadox title, dripping with whatever that stuff is covered with is the best NES alien goo I have ever seen. It is just amazing. The title is almost too awesome and feels a bit intimidating. Don’t worry though, as the game is, at the very least, as awesome as the title. As the introduction shows, you, the loyal player, control a lone spaceman on a quest to infiltrate a giant alien planet creature to do… something awesome. Press start a couple times and send spaceman on his way!

abadox_horiz

Space-guy on the surface of the dreaded planet-alien.

Abadox starts you in a horizontal scrolling scrolling level with awesome music. The game wastes no time in throwing creatures and power-ups your way. The first thing you’ll notice is how intense this game can be, graphically. In just the first level you enter the mouth of the creature and pass by it’s teeth and tongue.In a wholly-unoriginal-but-still-interesting twist, Abadox will switch between horizontal scrolling and downward vertical scrolling . The vertical sections play identically to the horizontal sections but in a different direction. It’s a nice switch in perspective that adds a lot to the fun and mood.

The 8-bit graphics feel right at home and give the whole experience a perfectly creepy vibe. Whenever I play this game, I am in awe of the whole look and feel of the game. Every level is filled with strange or gruesome creatures, especially the bosses. Getting to the bosses might be a bit of a problem, though not as bad as you’d expect from a shooter.

While many shooters are intimidating in difficulty, Abadox starts slow and does a pretty good job of raising the difficulty rather linearly. There is little to no randomness involved which means you can easily begin to learn the levels and get much better at it. If you are familiar with shooters, Abadox should feel familiar in controls and gameplay; you shouldn’t have any problems. Even after not having played it for several years I was able to get to level 3 on one life just after two tries. That says something about the difficulty, although I’m not quite sure what. Regardless of difficulty, Abadox is worth getting better at just to see the whole game.

abadox_vert

The pulsating organ stuff and sudden grasping muscle-arms… Abadox is made of nightmares.

Abadox manages to be a very cohesive shooter experience. It does an incredibly good job at feeling varied. Each level has it’s own aesthetic and you really will feel like you as progressing through this giant creature’s body. Specifically, the vertical scrolling levels greatly add to the feeling that you’re traveling deep, down into the bowels of the huge creature. You travel into it’s mouth, through it’s digestive tract, pass by some other organs, visit its… robot factory (remember that part of the body?) and eventually come out of it’s alien-planet butt (so so it seems). In addition to the cool areas, each level has a wicked-rad song, although some you’ll hear more than once.

Shooters can be boiled down to two different aspects: shoot things and don’t get hit. While Abadox doesn’t push the boundaries of the genre, it plays very well. In addition to shooting things and avoiding getting hit, there are plenty of power-ups to pick up along the way. The main weapons are spread guns or lasers but there are also several additional power-ups. Missles, shields and small satellite orbs that block shots all expand your viable not-die tactics. It all makes for an enjoyable alien-shooting experience.

The controls are tight, the graphics are great and the music is rocking: Abadox is much more than just a competent shooter, it’s a great example of a lesser-known, high-quality title in the NES library. It’s a tough game, but not too hard to consider it unfair. It’s worth a play just to see all the creepy aliens but even better to play for it’s well crafted experience and gameplay. Play this game or at least watch someone else play it. You’ll be glad you did.

Abadox (U)_Boss_montage_indexed_8_color

As a little treat, here’s a gallery of all the awesome bosses in Abadox. Yes, I used invincibility to record this.

Don’t Ever Stop! (Hit Reset)

I previously explored a few video games bugs that had no major impact on the game. They were fun, interesting and were generally something that had to be done on purpose. There is another category of video game bug; it’s a category that doesn’t rear it’s head that often. I am talking about the dreaded game ruining bugs. These are the bugs and glitches that, once they go into effect, give you no choice but to reset the game. There are many different ways this could happen but today I am exploring one particular phenomenon.

Endless Auto-running

While there are probably more, these three games all exhibit a game halting glitch which causes your character to travel endlessly to the right. There is no way to recover from this once the glitch has taken effect. Even more unfortunate, all three can theoretically be done accidentally!

Donkey Kong (Game Boy)

When you gotta go, you gotta go...

Climb up the ladder at the wrong time and it’s game over.

Ah, yes. Mario is one heck of guy! Year after year he goes out and saves all sorts of ladies from all sorts of animals.  One dreaded night, Mario was on the chase after Donkey Kong. That rascally ape have kidnapped Pauline once again! With Mario in pursuit, Donkey Kong leap and hollered with Pauline under arm. Suddenly and completely by accident, Donkey Kong’s ape-like howling precisely matched an ancient incantation designed to aid marathon runners. Donkey Kong jumped away with Pauline, not knowing what he had done. Mario, now under a powerful spell stopped his pursuit. Without any control of his body, he levitated mere feet above the ground and ran to the right. When he ran as far as he could, he found himself 20 feet behind where he was! He ran and he ran and he teleported and he teleported. Later that night, Donkey Kong, having escaped with Pauline, made a delicious soup out of her bones.

Mario ran on.

Metroid II: Return of Samus (Game Boy)

Naw, guys. It's cool. She knows what she's doing.

In morph ball form, turn around the same time you cause a screen transition and it’s roly poly time.

Samus has been directed to destroy all remaining metroids on planet SR-388. She landed, explored the surroundings, and gathered data. Little did she know, the foreign planet’s natural defenses, an invisible airborne poison, was slowly penetrating her suit. After a rather lengthy time in one of the tunnels, Samus started to feel a little woozy. The poison, bonding with her DNA, began to alter her… for the worse. Her body began to contort and force itself into morph ball form. Samus, unable to break the control of the poison, was thrust to the right. Fully conscious, Samus could do nothing but think to herself as the true, endless journey began. “This is what I have become. This is what I must be. This is what I deserve.” Her body, now one with the planet, freely moved though air, land, water as it traveled toward some unknown goal. She knew. Samus knew, for the rest of eternity, this would be her life. She was sure of it.

That morning the metroids ate her for breakfast.

Ghosts and Goblins (NES)

Round and round he goes, where does he stop? Nobody knows.

Collect a key in the wrong way and it’s bye-bye Arthur.

Arthur was tired. He was really tired. He had just battled though graveyards, cities, caverns and finally to the top of some ominous looking tower, all in his underwear! With the cross in hand and the captive Princess Prin Prin just ahead, Arthur entered Satan’s chamber. In an absurdly easy battle, Arthur destroys Satan in a matter of seconds. This was it! Arthur has saved the day! Suddenly, Arthur was transported back to the graveyard and a voice boomed overhead, “Har har, Arthur! It was all a trick… but this time it’s for real! Do it again and you can have you’re little princess.” Arthur was pretty upset but he knew it must be done! Once again, through the graveyard, city, cavern and up the tower. Arthur, now with dagger in hand, reaches the doorway to Satan’s chamber. Arthur reaches for the door, grips the handle and pulls.

The door does not open. The voice of Satan boomed again “Everybody knows the dagger is totally cheap and unfair. It’s cross or nothin’. Sorry chump.” Arthur, knowing he would have to go back down to the bottom of the tower to recollect the cross, lost his mind. “Whelp… I’m going home.”

And off he went.

And Then it Stopped

The Immortal (is Not Fun)

I was very saddened by the loss of Nintendo Power. No, I did not have a subscription for much of its existence but I appreciate its legacy. Nintendo Power offered a small glimpse into the future of games and the not-so-Mario games of the current Nintendo generation. Although my memories are weak with age, I will never forget the one game that necessitated the existence of the Nintendo Power magazine:

Oh god, why?!

Electronic Arts presents: You are going to want to kill yourself.

The Immortal is an isometric adventure game where you take the role of a wizard-looking man who is on a journey to escape a dungeon and potentially rescue another man from maybe another another man. The Immortal also happens to be a port of an Apple IIGS game. Let me first mention that I had no idea a computer called the Apple IIGS even existed until now and that the most bearable part of The Immortal, the graphic violence, is severely toned down in the NES port. Also, it’s probably worth noting that I wish this game was never made.

I was not prepared.

Prepare to continue dying.

To say the least, The Immortal is a very hard game. More accurately, The Immortal is so difficult that it borders on being a psychological test. It is designed to be extremely unforgiving and extremely trial and error based. This game loves you kill you. It loves to kill you constantly. I loves killing you even though you are careful. This is mostly because everything will kill you. In fact, in 75% of the cases, there is no way to tell what will kill you until you are killed by it. If you are prepared to be killed, you are prepared to play The Immortal.

Getting killed every 20 seconds isn’t necessarily the worst part of this game. The worst part of The Immortal stems from what I would like to call its “bad adventure game” aspect. A good adventure game rewards you for thinking abstractly enough to figure out the puzzles. A bad adventure game gives you little to no clues to complete necessary puzzles and punishes the player for attempting creative solutions. In the first level alone, there are three items that will instantly kill you if used. This wouldn’t be so bad if you weren’t limited to 3 lives. Yes, after 3 deaths you must start over from the beginning of the level. The Immortal’s main issue is not that it is a bad adventure game, it’s that it’s just too frustrating to play to have an enjoyable, rewarding experience.

In order to get any enjoyment out of this game, you must be using a guide. When I was a child, I watched my brother play through this game using his trusty Nintendo Power. Nintendo Power was known for containing vary detailed guides and their The Immortal guide was top-notch. The puzzles and proper orders to complete this game are far too challenging to attempt without a guide, especially with the 3 life limit. Nintendo Power was a real life saver. Using a guide, you can turn The Immortal from an aggravating, brain-melting death-fest to just an aggravating death-fest. Although it’s no longer brain-melting, it doesn’t make it any more fun.

Please do not play The Immortal. It is not worth it. Or maybe it is… what do I know?!

Every Unique Death in Level 1

Immortal, The (U)- death

You will see many of these. Some of them more than once. The rest more than 10 times.

  1. Worm trap
  2. Ground flame trap
  3. Goblin smack
  4. Wall fireball
  5. Bat attack
  6. Using worm bait
  7. Arrow from wall trap
  8. Hidden pitfall
  9. Using mushroom spores
  10. Invisible Shade enemy
  11. Falling down ladder hole
  12. Reading Amulet incantation

Useless Bugs and Glitches (are Fun)

As a computer scientist, I understand that as the complexity of a computer program goes up, so does the chance of bugs. Especially when it comes to video games, it is exceedingly difficult, if not impossible,  to consider every single scenario of user input during every single possible state of a program. Many video games are plagued with bugs and glitches whose effects can range from “helpful” to “progress destroying”. These are all nice and exciting but what about the bugs that can be described as “not useful nor hurtful”? Before I go on, I define a bug or glitch as “an unintended effect of a programming error or oversight”. This might actually be the exact definition of a bug or glitch… whatever!

This post is dedicated to all those video game glitches out there that don’t particularly do anything yet I am still compelled to perform them. In honor of these programming errors, here are some notable examples:

Legend of Zelda: Links Awakening (GBC) – Forest Mystery Tile

Those moblins will have nightmares for years.

Link has no qualms with tearing the world apart piece by piece.

Whats happening:

Link picks up a piece of the forest scenery and it instantly becomes a rock. The rock behaves like normal rocks and can be thrown at enemies.

How to perform:

While in the forest, any top-right corner tile acts this way. There are several occurrences of it in the forest. Just walk up to it and pick it up using the bracelet.

My best guess as to why it happens:

This is most likely an simple oversight when configuring the tiles. For whatever reason, the specific type of tile was set to act like a rock and a normal wall. This may have been used in this fashion early in the game’s development or may just have been a mistake. At some point, that tile was changed into a normal forest tile and nobody remembered to check the attributes. The probably didn’t catch the error because it operated correctly as a wall tile. It’s not a very technical guess but it may be somewhat correct.

Why it’s Turbo-Awesome:

Have you ever got so mad you just wanted to take a chunk out of the world and throw it at someone? This glitch lets you do just that… as long as you’re in the forest.

Marvel vs. Capcom (ARC) – Spider-Man’s Anti-gravity Attack

mvc_spiderflip

I bet hit spider-sense didn’t see that coming.

What’s happening:

First, Spider-Man throws Captain America and then performs a normal standing roundhouse. Next, Spider-Man throws Captain America and performs an aerial version of the roundhouse even though he never jumped.

How to perform:

With Spider-Man, perform a throw using the heavy kick button. As soon as the throw completes, hit any attack to perform the aerial version while floating slightly above the ground. The timing is extremely difficult and is easier if you just repeatedly press an attack as the throw is ending. I believe it works with any attack but the kick shown looks the funniest, in my opinion.

My best guess as to why it happens:

The fighting game genre is incredibly complex with thousands of combinations of inputs, states and reactions. There is no way for me to know exactly what is happening. If you watch the throw, it puts Spider-Man into the air as he spins the opponent around. During this time, the game sets Spider-Man to a “aerial” state. When Spider-Man finishes the throw, he lands and then it resets his state to “standing”. I believe there is a brief period between “throw” and “standing” where the game sets the speed and position of a “standing” character but is interrupted by performing the kick, leaving Spider-Man in an “aerial” state. Due to this, Spider-man does an “aerial” attack even though he is on the ground with no vertical velocity. After the attack is finished, it rechecks Spider-Man’s position and correctly sets his state as “standing”.

Why it’s Turbo-Awesome:

It’s really easy to do and looks awesome. It’s almost like a secondary way to taunt your opponent! After a spinning your opponent around, you spin your self around just for the heck of it!

Super Mario Bros. 2 (NES) – POW to Heaven

I know Luigi can jump high but not <i>that</i> high.

This is most certainly not the Mushroom Kingdom.

What’s happening:

Luigi is launched into the air via log until he hits the top of the screen.

How to perform:

Throw a POW block and have it hit the ground while you are standing on a falling log.

My best guess as to why it happens:

I have no idea. POW blocks have always done strange things. Honestly, I have no clue why this would happen. It doesn’t make sense at all. Nintendo, you so craaaazy.

Why it’s Turbo-Awesome:

FLY, LUIGI! FLY! No further comments.

Blaster Master (NES) – The Suicide Mobile

Those damn Lightning Beings are getting crafty...

Jason must have pissed off the wrong people…

What’s happening:

When Jason enters the tank, it immediately explodes, killing poor Jason in the process.

How to perform:

While in the tank, take damage until you have one hit left. Then, while on the ground, take one more hit and immediately exit the tank. Jason will jump out before the tank gets a chance to explode.

My guess as to why it happens:

When you get hit, you have a brief period of invincibility. This allows you to some breathing room if you are surrounded by enemies. Many games implement this feature as it would be unreasonable to have your entire health bar drained in a fraction of a second for colliding with an enemy. As far as I can tell, the game only checks to see whether the tank should explode when it is not in the invincibility state. Thus, when you get hit, you have a brief moment during the invincibility state to have Jason jump out. When Jason jumps back in, since it is not in the invincibility state, the game checks if the tank have any health, confirms it does not, and explodes it.

Why it’s Turbo-Awesome:

Every single time I plays Blaster Master, I have to perform this glitch at least one time. It is always hilarious to see something suddenly explode. Just watch that GIF a few times. Poor Jason has no idea what’s coming and then BOOM! Pure, useless, buggy satisfaction.

So, What’s the Deal?

Video games are designed to be fun but remember that these games are designed. People sat around and planned and programmed how they want you to play their game. What I find to be incredibly fascinating are the things you can do that the game was never designed to do! Most games have several of these oversights in them which allow the player to escape the designed rules of the game. Some of the most interesting times I’ve had with video games is when I am testing and pushing the limits of what the developer intended.

I am compelled to perform these glitches whenever I play these (and other) games as it reminds me that video games do not just a belong to the developers. They belongs to those who want to experience it. It belongs to the players. Video game players willingly enter the worlds created by these developers just to experience the world the game can offer. These little glitches and bugs represent a portion of the game world that the player experienced before the developer even knew they existed! Video games developers work extremely hard to give us a chance to have these experiences, intended or not. So remember, when you’re playing a shiny new game and something a little out of the ordinary happens, sit back and enjoy it. With all the quick patches and updates that come out for games these days, these experiences might not last.

Blaster Master (is Awesome)

I remember being a child when renting video games was still a thing that people did. Those days were so awesome! It was really exciting looking at a whole shelf full of games and getting to pick just one. It was quite possible that whatever I picked would make or break my entire weekend. Now, I don’t remember exactly when I first played the it but I can still vividly remember the entire game. I imagine myself running inside, jamming the cartridge into my NES, hitting power and just sitting in awe at the absurd awesomeness that followed:

You can't see it here but the letters flash like crazy.

I am so pumped!

Blaster Master is a game for people who love games that are fun. It is one of those games that, as soon as it starts, you know you’re in for a treat. The name itself “Blaster Master” speaks volumes. What are you going to do? Blast! What it your blasting skill level? Mastery! Why are you going to do it? Nobody cares why,  especially the developer Sunsoft! When Sunsoft brought the game to the US, even they knew that people don’t care and just want to shoot things with a sweet looking tank. Take a look at this amazing, hyper-realistic cinematic masterpiece of an introduction (starts with him poking the bowl):

There's just more to love, now.

Admit it. You would do the same if you had the chance.

This is absolutely the greatest possible opening for this game. I will accept no arguments.

In case you don’t understand the GIF, let me explain: Jason’s frog escapes from his bowl, leaps to a nearby radioactive waste container out in front of the garage, instantaneously begins to mutate to enormous sizes (by frog standards), leaps down an enormous-frog-sized hole, and is pursued down the hole by his loving owner, Jason. Jason then discovers a suit of armor and tank and decides it is the key to recovering his beloved frog.

Grey? Gray? Whatever... just shoot it!

Shootin’ some grey things and grabbin’ some P’s.

Blaster Master is awesome. Some people will claim otherwise (take note of these people for they should be ignored in the future) and they are objectively incorrect. Yes, it is a little rough around the edges but what NES game wasn’t? The general gameplay consists of Jason driving a tank around side-scroller style searching for things to shoot until you find Jason-sized doorways . You then explore these areas sans-tank in a top-down overhead fashion looking for more things to shoot until you can find something really big to shoot. Destroying the really big thing grants you a tank upgrade that allows you to explore more of the world to find bigger and better things to shoot.

The creatures you end up shooting look very bizarre. Take a look at the grey thing in the picture, for instance. What is it?! I’ve examined the sprite but cannot figure it out at all. It’s a grey bipedal person-oid that hopped around like a madman. Why do these things even hate Jason and the tank? Maybe they just have some sort of inherent hatred for “masters” who “blast” things? Regardless of why, these guys sure are fun to blast!

I just like to call him the "brain" thing.

Apparently, his name is Cramitor…

Besides the sheer satisfaction of shooting things, Blaster Master offers quite a big adventure. The game is Metroid-esque in the way that, although the game is split into distinct areas, you are free to go back and forth as you please between locations. In fact, the overall design requires that you revisit old areas. One of my favorite aspects of Blaster Master is how fun it feels to explore the game. Instead of just painting each area with different graphics and calling it new, the developers made each area feel unique as each area has a distinct look, music, and level construction. Because of the fun and interesting upgrades backtracking never feels dull as it gives me new chances to try out the tanks new abilities.

The tank decided to take dip too...

A leisurely swim after a rough day of killing things.

The upgrades give your tank abilities you never even knew you wanted. How about one that lets you fly? Death from above! How about literally driving up the walls? Do it! Walls not enough? How about driving on the ceiling? The sky is the limit! It’s almost as if the people at Sunsoft thought to themselves “What is more fun than a jumping tank of wanton destruction?” in which  one man, probably sitting in the corner of the room drinking a juice box, said, “How about instead of just jumping it can go, like, where ever?” I assume this was immediately followed by a round of high-fives.

Let’s face it: this game is frickin’ awesome. It’s not perfect but it’s just so great to play. Who cares about the little problems when there is so much fun to be had. If you haven’t played Blaster Master yet, I preemptively accept your apology. Now go out and play it somehow. You owe it to yourself.